Overcoming Unforgiveness

Written by: Andrew Friesen on February 26, 2010

Recently, the Holy Spirit moved upon my heart to share a wonderful nugget of truth that I truly believe will revolutionize your life if you let it. I understand that this can be a very delicate topic for some folks and don’t make light of any genuine pain that a certain individual may feel.  However, there is a way that you can overcome unforgiveness and live to your full potential in God.

After traveling to more than 12 countries to proclaim to gospel, and working with hundreds of precious pastors, the most common struggles people have shared with me whether religious or nonreligious deal with the issue of UNFORGIVENESS.  The truth is that “all have sinned” and everyone of us could harbor unforgiveness towards someone else who’s harmed us. So what’s the answer? How do we overcome unforgiveness?

Let me first say bluntly that there are many techniques out there that teach a person how to overcome forgiveness that are CLEARLY WRONG and lies that will keep you forever dealing with issues and not growing as a person.  

 One of those lies is "The Holy Spirit needs to DEAL WITH YOUR SINS and get on your case."  Implying that the Holy Spirit is God and loving but also like a nitpicker or faultfinder.  Dear friend, the Holy Spirit is not your FAULT FINDER He is your LOVING FRIEND.  God has dealt with your sins of unforgiveness past/present and future by what Jesus did on the cross 2000 years ago.  “He has appeared to PUT AWAY sin by the sacrifice of HIMSELF.” (Hebrews 9:26)   How would you like to have someone come to your house and tell you everything that’s wrong with your furniture? No one wants to be around someone like that.   The good news is The Holy Spirit does not deal with your sins but points you to the one who has dealt with your sins and His name is Jesus.  John 16:8 “And when He has come (the Holy Spirit) He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgement.  of sin, because they do not believe in ME.”  Did you see that?  The Holy Spirit convicts people of ONE sin.  That’s not believing in JESUS.  But once you’ve accepted Jesus the Holy Spirit convinces you that you are righteous because of the blood of Jesus. I know people freak out here and say, “What about the process of sanctification”  “Are you saying a believer in Jesus will never sin?”  This is not preaching sinless perfection at all.  I’m pointing to the solution.  The solution to unforgiveness is not to focus on the sin but on the Saviour.  The lie is that we think if we focus on the problem maybe that will produce an attitude of repentance and cause us to change when actually the opposite is true.  "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (so if a person lacks in these areas here comes the diagnosis)  But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." (2Peter1:5)

There is another technique that says:  “YOU must forgive!  Forgive and Forget!”  And they even use bible verses like:  Matthew 6:15 that says, “If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive you your trespasses.”   Pause:  It’s so important to know that everything changed at the CROSS when JESUS DIED.  No, God didn’t change, but the reasons why we obey sure do.  Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”  Did you get that? Before the cross you had to forgive in order to be forgiven.  How stressful is that?  Could you imagine living that kind of lifestyle always looking at yourself and wondering if you’ve forgiven enough.  The problem with this technique is that it puts YOU as the starting point.  It’s all up to YOU to forgive and make a disicion when Jesus said, “Apart from ME you can do NOTHING.” Also, if you try to forgive you will never be SURE of your relationship with God.  How will you ever know if you’ve confessed enough, declared enough, or forgiven enough?  There will always be something you’ve missed.  Sadly, many live like this.  When we focus on SELF we are miserable.  And when someone preaches the law (what you must do) instead of helping a person it actually makes SIN stronger and keeps that person in bondage.  1 Corinthians 15:56 says “the STRENGTH of sin IS THE LAW.”  So when we remove the LAW and preach the gospel which is the power of God, the strength of unforgiveness is removed and you live in victory!  Hallelujah!